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In sports, R-E-S-P-E-C-T is limited

March 10, 2015

An unsettling, if not upsetting, sports days with trade rumors swirling about the San Francisco 49ers sending quarterback Colin Kaepernick to the Philadelphia Eagles or the Chicago Bears or the Martians. General Manager Trent Baalke was quick to deny it, so you know it must have some validity.

More about this in a minute but first, What would The New York Times do without Roger Federer? Last year, The Times couldn’t bother writing about World Tennis Day at Madison Square Garden, which was too bad, because Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray put on quite a show. This year, however, Feddy Bear and Grigor “Baby Fed” Dimitrov are slated to square off March 10, and I predicted there would be a huge article in The Times to advance it. Christopher Clarey didn’t disappoint with the kind of piece that could’ve been written by Mirka, Feddy’s wife. The article was long on how the Feds travel the world with two sets of twins and – surprise, surprise – several nannies. But not even the cleverest of journalists can turn a subject into something he is not. One of the great pleasures of any Fed article is his blithe unawareness of his own self-centeredness. (Though it would seem counterintuitive, self-centered people never understand how others see them, or they wouldn’t be self-centered. It’s what makes pseudofedblog.com so funny.)

Anyway, here’s Fed on traveling the world en famille:

“The girls enjoy it, and I love being with my family, and so does Mirka. She loves being with me….”

I’m sure she does. ...

Tom Brady, the Roger Federer of football (in more ways than one)

March 2, 2015

It’s football’s off-season. Let the games begin.

First, it was something called “Aaron Rodgers Week” on the NFL Network. (Is that like “Rita Hayworth Week” on Movies.com?). So this engendered an article on whether Tom Brady or Andrew Luck is a better quarterback than Rodgers.

Really, I’m no fan of Brady, but you have to give it to him for leading the New England Patriots to four Super Bowl titles. He’s the greatest quarterback in the game today, just as Roger Federer’s 17 Grand Slam titles make him the greatest tennis player today. Yes, there are other measures of an athlete, and anyone can beat the best on any given day. But it’s hard to argue with the Super Bowl and the Slams as the measures of the players in football and tennis respectively. ...

QBs vs. haters in digital duels

February 20, 2015

The latest tempest in a teapot comes courtesy of Washington Redskins’ quarterback Robert Griffin III and his San Francisco 49ers’ counterpart Colin Kaepernick, who recently took on critical fans via Instagram and Twitter respectively.

In RG’s case, he was jamming to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” on Instagram when a fan called him out for not acting like a quarterback.

Colin meanwhile tweeted a litany of “recovery day” activities – 1,000 abs, arm workout, 10 minutes straight on the jump rope, a two-hour study session. To which fan Stephen Batten replied, “ab workout won’t help find open receiver.” Which in turn led to a verbal pummeling from Colin that ended with “get better at life.”

My first reaction was, Why bother? Why bother to respond? In a 35-year career as a journalist, I’ve been praised and vilified, even threatened. Rarely have I responded, preferring instead to follow the dictum of my favorite British prime minister, Benjamin Disraeli: “Never complain, never explain.”

And yet, I can understand. The fluidity and anonymity of the Internet are such that people respond with immediate, unfiltered vehemence. You’re punched, you counterpunch.

I think, however, this is about more than the culture of hatred bred by the web. It’s about our expectations of the quarterback, perhaps the most traditionally masculine occupation in the United States – expectations that weigh heavily on the gay, biracial quarterback at the heart of my upcoming novel “The Penalty for Holding.” ...

A-Rod, Ray Rice and the game of ‘Who’s Sorry Now?’

February 18, 2015

Cue Connie Francis. In this “the winter of our discontent” – the season of 90-inch snowfalls, Southern ice, broken water pipes and equally shattered hearts – the lament of the woman with the catch in her voice and a torch-song life to match would seem most appropriate.

Really, it’s as if we’re all stuck in “Dr. Zhivago” – without Omar Sharif.

In this “region of ice” – thank you, Joyce Carol Oates – everyone is sorry. Ray Rice is sorry for cold-cocking his then wife-to-be, Janay Palmer, issuing an apology almost a year to the date of his Valentine’s Day (image) Massacre. (Could the holiday of hearts have been the inspiration?)

Hot on Ra-Ri’s Achilles heels comes A-Rod and his handwritten apology for steroid abuse and – the thing that always does you in more than the transgression itself – lying about it.

And speaking of lying, opprobrium and ridicule continue to snow down on disgraced anchorman Brian Williams for aggrandizing his role in the Iraq War – although Jerry Seinfeld’s line on the SNL 40th anniversary show about Williams being part of the original “Saturday Night Live” cast was one of the subtler digs. The irony is that the talk show-minded Williams probably counted as friends many of the people now making fun at his expense. Ouch.

Let’s just say Williams should be glad that he’s not A-Rod. The disdain heaped on him by The New York Times’ columnist Tyler Kepner is typical of the way in which the once and apparently future New York Yankee is now viewed. There are two schools of thought on this. One says that justice is justice and compassion, like patience, has its limits, particularly as said limited patience is often accompanied by the sneaking suspicion that the contrite are not all that contrite but actually seeking something less noble than the epic redemption found in Joseph Conrad’s “Lord Jim,” say like a return to the Yanks or the NFL. (It reminds you of the moment in “Gone With the Wind” in which Rhett Butler tells Scarlett O’Hara that she’s like the thief who isn’t sorry for what he’s done but is awfully sorry he got caught.) ...

SI’s swimsuit issue and the power of (the male) sex

February 15, 2015

Picked up my first-ever copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, which I bought for one reason and one reason alone – an image of a man.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I have to write about Greenwich actress Kelly Rohrbach, one of the featured “rookie” models, in my guise as editor of WAG magazine. But mainly I bought the Swimsuit issue for the two-page Levi’s spread featuring San Francisco 49ers ‘quarterback Colin Kaepernick, his teammate Vernon Davis and model Samantha Hoopes. (The Niners play in Levi’s Stadium.)

The ad campaign is about the most wholesome thing in the mag, which veers now and again into Playboy territory. The cover in particular has the media once again wringing their hands over whether or not SI went too far with a depiction of Hannah Davis in an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, not-yellow-polka-dot bikini, the bottom of which she has pulled down to the top of her pubic region. This is a popular new trend in posing models – having them hook their thumb or thumbs in one or both sides of the pants or skirt to hint at the treasures and pleasures beneath. Colin does it on the cover of the fall/winter issue of VMan magazine. And a young woman holding a basketball does it in the Feb. 15 edition of T, The New York Times Style Magazine. ...

Pete Carroll, Brian Williams and why smart people do dumb things

February 8, 2015

Well, last week was an extraordinary one for stupid career moves, wasn’t it?

It began with the Seattle Seahawks snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. All quarterback Russell Wilson had to do was hand the ball to running back Marshawn “I’m here so I don’t get fined” Lynch, kick him in the butt, pushing him into the end zone, and yell, “Oops, touchdown!” But no, no, that wasn’t good enough for Coach Pete Carroll and company. Hey, Niners’ fan here: I’m delighted the Hawks lost. The only thing that would’ve made me happier was if the New England Patriots had lost as well. Still, I’m a greater fan of intelligence, and if you’re one of those, it was a depressing moment.

More disappointment, however, was to come at the end of the week with the discovery for many of us that NBC anchor Brian Williams had aggrandized the danger he faced when reporting on the Iraq War. Yeah, ’cause there’s no video trail for that, right? ...

The Seahawks’ karmic comeuppance

February 2, 2015

Wow, karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

The Seattle Seahawks – whose vaunted defense has been the graveyard of rival quarterbacks – lost Super Bowl XLIX 28-24 when their own preternaturally poised quarterback, Russell Wilson, was intercepted, at the one-yard line no less.

As was pointed out a zillion times by the experts, the Hawks could’ve handed off the ball to Marshawn Lynch (the guy who won’t talk to the press and grabs his crouch after scoring a touchdown). Indeed, they seemed on the brink of back-to-back SB titles after experiencing a sort of miraculous catch of David Tyree proportions. ...