Breaking Deflategate news – yeah, I know, you were waiting with bated breath for this – but according to a new study by the American Enterprise Institute, it’s not that the New England Patriots’ balls were deflated too much but that the opposition Indianapolis Colts’ balls deflated too little.
Oh, I get it:
Defense attorney: “Your Honor, it’s not that my client absconded with the money. It’s that the money was there to abscond with.” ...
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Number 10: No fizzing out in the French Open finals. (Sorry, Novak Djokovic.)
Number 9: No flaming out in the quarterfinals. (Sorry, Rafael Nadal.)
Number 8: No meltdown over blisters, stray feathers, etc. (Sorry, Andy Murray.)
Number 7: No loud plaid shorts. (Sorry, Stan Wawrinka.)
Number 6: No left-handed compliments to rivals. (Sorry, Roger Federer.)
Number 5: No steroids. (Sorry, Major League Baseball.) ...
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What Anna wants, Anna gets – particularly when it comes to a sleek, gorgeous, well-muscled male.
And what Anna Wintour, Condé Nast creative director and Vogue editor, wants right now is American Pharoah.
Ahmed Zayat, who has pledged that the Pharoah will belong to the American people, has told Bloodhorse, which covers the Thoroughbred industry, that AP will grace the cover of the next issue of the fashion bible.
"We are breaking new territory," Zayat, who operates his family's Zayat Stables, said June 10 in a podcast interview with Bloodhorse.com.
I’ll say. Anna has featured some studs in her day – Tim Tebow (shirtless), Colin Kaepernick, her fave Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic (Speedo), Ryan Lochte (cover, with Serena Williams and Hope Solo at the beach). Now she has a soon-to-be real stud. ...
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I certainly hope NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has gotten out his Crane’s stationery to send a thank-you note to FIFA president Sepp Blatter.
As the NFL’s season of deflated footballs and inflated fists fumbles into the post-season, along comes a corruption and bribery scandal in soccer that makes the NFL look like “The Sound of Music.” Football officials must be wiping their brows and going “Whew!”
Usually when there are billions of dollars at stake and charges ranging from vote-selling to slave labor – brought by the U.S. Department of Justice, no less – the person who heads the organization under siege steps down. But no, no. Blatter – Is that a great name, or what? – was just reelected president of the soccer governing body, vowing to make the organization stronger.
And we can just imagine how he’s going to do that. Human rights abuses? Slave labor? Whoo-whoo, World Cup for you, Qatar. To paraphrase the New York Lottery commercial, all it takes is a (few million) dollars and a dream.
The nation that has decided to take on FIFA, with help from Switzerland (home of FIFA and tired of its image as bank vault to the corrupt), is of two minds about the situation.
On the one hand, the only thing America likes more than a scandal is a scandal set in a five-star hotel. (It was at the Baur au Lac on Lake Zurich that several officials were roused in the early morning hours May 27 and arrested. Ooh, Is it like “The Grand Budapest Hotel?” I love that movie.) ...
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The Chicago Bears’ hiring and firing of defensive end Ray McDonald – he of the three arrests for domestic violence, the second of which got him cut from the San Francisco 49ers – tells you that the NFL remains ambivalent about domestic violence.
There are a number of reasons for this. First, we as a nation remain ambivalent. McDonald’s first two arrests were dropped, so who’s to say the third won’t be? Isn’t a man innocent until proven guilty? Shouldn’t he have a chance to redeem himself, earn a living and express his talents?
Except that three arrests aren’t an anomaly. They’re a pattern of behavior. So what to do?
“The league has not really thought through its own message,” said Paul H. Haagen, co-director of the Center for Sports Law and Policy at Duke University. “They are definitely making it up as they go along and leaving themselves areas of discretion. But by leaving themselves discretion and not making clear what the required processes are, there is constant uncertainty and questions.”
The NFL can’t even figure out how to process Deflategate. The players’ union wants Commissioner Roger Goodell to recuse himself but as arbitrator Goodell gets to decide if he should be recused. Huh? How’s the league going to implement a cohesive policy regarding domestic violence when it fumbles procedures regarding the rules of the game? ...
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So NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will hear Tom Brady’s appeal, despite a request from the NFL Players Association that he recuse himself.
“One of the primary responsibilities of the commissioner is to protect the integrity of the game and to do what’s right for the game of football,” Goodell said.
“That’s my job. We have a process that’s been negotiated with the union that’s been in place for decades. It’s something that we’ve had in place for a long time and we’re going to do it that way.”
What planet is he on? First, there’s the NFL’s constant misuse of the word “integrity.” It means “wholeness.” In Jungian psychology, the integrated self is the self that is all of a piece. Alistair Cooke, the late, longtime host of “Masterpiece Theatre,” once said of Marilyn Monroe that she was a person of integrity – a mess off and onscreen. Cruel but you get his point: “Integrity” doesn’t mean “honesty.” It means that you’d be the same way with the president of the United States that you are with your grocer. It’s a quality that the Dalai Lama and the pope are said to have. It’s not a quality that’s usually associated with football players. What a surprise. ...
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From the spongy balls that the gentle American Pharoah wears as earplugs to race (poor baby) to the fuzzy tennis balls of the Italian and French opens, we turn our attention back to the squishy balls of Deflategate – a subject that is a writer’s dream, because it just keeps on giving.
The latest is that New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft won’t appeal the $1 million fine and loss of two draft picks that resulted from the Pats’ more probably than not deflating their footballs before the A.F.C. Championship game against the Indianapolis Colts.
"Although I might disagree what is decided, I do have respect for [commissioner Roger Goodell] and believe that he's doing what he perceives to be in the best interests of [all 32 teams]," Kraft said, while speaking to the media at the NFL owners meetings. "So in that spirit, I don't want to continue the rhetoric that's gone on for the last four months.”
Translation: The NFL has got us by the squishy balls, and the jig is up. ...
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