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Belichick for the defense

Boy, you gotta hand it to Bill Belichick. Operating under an assumption that guides many coaches – that the best defense is a good offense – the Terse One held an impromptu news conference to reveal that the New England Patriots had conducted their own investigation into Deflate-gate, no doubt in an attempt to seize control of the narrative.

And guess what? The Pats have found that when you leave footballs on the field in cold, wet weather, yep, they deflate.

There you have it – an act of God, who has yet to hold his press conference or inform us of the results of his own investigation.

Good attempt to cut us off at the pass, Bill. But no first down.

If atmospheric conditions during the A.F.C. Championship game were the cause, then why didn’t the Colts’ balls deflate as well?

Belichick opined that he is no scientist or expert on footballs. But, he added, "at no time was there any intent whatsoever to try to compromise the integrity of the game.”

OK, let’s pause for a pet peeve – the misuse of the word “integrity.” ...

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Aaron Rodgers – soul brother

Today’s tempest in a teapot is brought to you courtesy of Earl Thomas, All-Pro Safety of the Seattle Seahawks – my, how they love to stir the pot – who said he’s not buying the notion that Aaron Rodgers’ calf is injured. (Translation: The Hawks have to prepare as if the Green Bay Packers quarterback were healthy, because he’s that good.)

But wait, that’s not what got everyone riled up. Thomas went on to say of Rodgers, whom the Hawks will face Sunday for the NFC championship: “I just respect him as a football player in general. You can tell that he knows the game. He has a lot of confidence back there. You don't really see a lot of quarterbacks of his skin color with soul like that, and I like it." 

Uh-oh. You can imagine the Hurricane Sandy that kicked up. Reaction was swift and predictable...

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Just say “No More”

The NFL, deep into playoffs after a regular season of scandal, is also deep into its commitment to public service announcements against domestic violence and sexual assault.  

The P.S.A.s feature current and former stars like the New York Football Giants’ quarterback and good guy Eli Manning saying “No More” – to such dangerous platitudes as “But he’s such a nice guy,” “She was asking for it,” “He just has a temper” or “We don’t talk about that.”

You may remember similar spots featuring actors Amy Poehler and Courtney Cox and fashion guru Tim Gunn. They’re the brainchild of No More, a five-year-old coalition against domestic violence and sexual assault working with actor Mariska Hargitay’s Joyful Heart organization. ...

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An ‘Interview’ you can skip

On Christmas Day, some Americans did what they felt was their civic duty and went to see the controversial new film “The Interview,” which Sony decided to release in select independent theaters and online after being chastised by both liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans – led by President Barack Obama – for initially caving to North Korea and pulling the plug on the Seth Rogin-James Franco starrer, which makes copious fun of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

You’ll recall that Sony even had embarrassing emails hacked by cyber-terrorists, and North Korea, professing shock – shock, I tell you – that the U.S. would accuse it of such a crime, offered to conduct a joint investigation of the incident.

Which is a bit like O.J. Simpson saying he was going to search for ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman’s killer.

Uh-huh. Moving on, I was among those Americans who spent part of Christmas Day watching the movie with my family at home – thanks to the technical wizardry of my nephew James, take a bow – and may I say that it was two hours of my life that I will never have back.

It’s not that “The Interview” is a terrible movie. It’s just that it’s a terribly mediocre movie that belongs to a long line of turkeys about bumbling Americans mixed up in international intrigue. (“Ishtar,” anyone?) It’s also a road picture and a bro picture, which means there’s lots of 12-year-old-boy humor about urinating, defecating, anal sex, private parts, hot girls, gays, homophobia, drugs, vomiting, breaking wind, margaritas and Katy Perry. I think Kim Jong-un, American pop culture junkie, should screen it, because really he has nothing to worry about. It’s the Columbia J School that should be offended.

At its heart, “The Interview” is the story of the twisted, symbiotic relationship that exists between the celebrated and those who chase them, the so-called journalists. Franco, playing with type, is Dave Skylark, the airheaded host of a magazine show like “Entertainment Tonight” and “Access Hollywood.” It’s a measure of the filmmakers’ real fears that while Rogin and co-director Evan Goldberg apparently never worried enough about Kim Jong-un’s response to change his name or his country, they were quick to fictionalize Franco’s character and show so as not to offend the very programs they’d be using to hawk their pix.

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‘The Inteview’ and our obsession with ‘authenticity’

So Sony has put the kibosh on “Interview,” the Seth Rogan/Evan Goldberg comedy about bungling American journos attempting to assassinate Kim Jong-un – which, let’s face it, is a lose, lose, lose situation for everyone.

“The bad guys won,” inveterate tweeter Mia Farrow pronounced. But whom is she kidding? No movie theater is going to show a flick that audience members sit through looking over their shoulders – as The Christian Science Monitor shrewdly observes.

Trust me, I know. I went to see “The Dark Knight Rises” with my pal novelist Barbara Nachman shortly after a gunman opened fire at a screening of the movie in a Colorado theater. We spent most of the movie watching every young man who came in or, especially, left and came back. That’s not entertainment.

As with any complex story involving hacking, terrorist threats in a post-9/11 world, freedom of speech and corporate profits, there’s another side to “The Interview” debacle.

What if Rogan and company had simply made the North Korean dictator a fictional character?  

Charlie Chaplin did it in “The Great Dictator” (1940), playing both a Jewish everyman through which we see the disastrous circumstances that plunged Europe into two world wars and a certain dictator, one Adenoid Hynkel of Tomainia. Of course, it was Hitler right down to his little moustache. (How any woman ever found him attractive is beyond me.) Of course, it stirred up antifascist sentiments at the time America was not yet in the fight – which was just what Chaplin wanted to do. Still, Chaplin could say, “Any resemblance to persons living or dead,” etc. ...

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Knocking Woods

The single most interesting thing about Tiger Woods is that his ex-wife once took one of his golf clubs to him.

And the reason that’s the single most interesting about him is that character is destiny.

That the ex-Mrs. Woods took a golf club to his car as he tried to speed away from her five years ago this Thanksgiving after his infidelity came to light says much more about his character than it ever would about hers.

Woods cheated on his then-wife, Elin Nordegren, with a bunch of other women, each of whom, unbelievably, thought she was the only other one. (Ladies, ladies, you know the old saying:  If he cheats on his wife with you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you? And by the way, I have a bridge to sell you.)

At first glance, it’s hard to understand what they saw in him. His is not “the face that launch’d a thousand ships and burnt the topless towers of Ilium.”

But then, as Elizabeth Taylor once shrewdly observed, “there’s no deodorant in life like success.” And few have been more successful than Woods, hitting all those little white balls around all those greens over all those years for all those millions, donning all those green jackets and afterward answering all those questions with responses that promised much and delivered nothing. ...

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