Blog

Breaking news: Eli Manning reacts to Tom Brady’s suspension

May 11, 2015

Eli Manning – the New York Giants’ quarterback and two-time Super Bowl MVP, at Tom Brady’s expense no less – was at Mulino’s restaurant in White Plains, N.Y. May 11, ostensibly to talk about his role as host of next month’s 38th annual Guiding Eyes for the Blind Golf Classic.

But as often happens, there was breaking football news right before the cocktail party-press conference: Tom Brady, quarterback of the New England Patriots, has been suspended four games without pay for his “more probable than not” awareness that two lower-level employees had deflated footballs before the Pats’ AFC championship game against the Indianapolis Colts. The implication being that locker room attendant Jim McNally and equipment assistant John Jastremski doctored the balls according to Brady’s tastes to make them easier to throw and catch, particularly in inclement weather. (The two have since been indefinitely suspended by the team.)

The Patriots were fined $1 million and will lose a first-round draft pick next year and a fourth-round one in 2017. Brady has said he will appeal. ...

Colin Kaepernick and Tom Brady’s balls

May 10, 2015

Yet another country heard from in Deflategate. San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has tweeted this: “No football in the world is going to help you win by 38! Let it go and let Tom be great! On to the 2015 season #7tormsComing‬”

Notice the rhyme – 8 and great. He’s a poet and doesn’t know it.

As for the comment, uhuh. Yeah, it’s true that it takes a lot more than squishy balls to win football games. But if you have what it takes, then squishy balls or steroids or whatever cheating poison you pick might give you an advantage against a close rival (the Baltimore Ravens) or help you annihilate a much weaker one (the Indianapolis Colts, who lost by the poetic 38). ...

Tom Brady and Alex Rodriguez: Statistics and probability

May 9, 2015

Is it merely coincidental that Gisele Bündchen skipped The Metropolitan Museum of Art gala precisely at the moment when hubby Tom Brady was about to be raked over the coals for his role in Deflategate?

What is it that they said in the Deflategate report? It’s “more probable than not” that it was a coincidence. Still, she and he have been staples on the gala’s red carpet for years. Let’s just say it was convenient that she had to attend that Chanel Cruise Seoul event half a world away.

Gala empress Anna Wintour filled in the football slot with Green Bay Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers – who is not in trouble for overinflating his balls, to the chagrin of some – and his girlfriend, actress Olivia Munn, whose J. Mendel gown overwhelmed with its sleeves. (The gala’s fashion proved that less really is more. The more straightforward the gown, as in Gong Li’s black lace and marsala velvet evocation of the gala’s Chinese theme, the more stunning it was.) ...

Tom Brady’s shadow in the sun

May 8, 2015

Paging Gisele.

Because Ms. Bündchen – a tiger wife if there ever was one – is all that stands between hubby Tom Brady and his squishy balls on the one hand and ignominy on the other.

As even the horses that ran the recent Kentucky Derby now know, a report issued by the Manhattan law firm of Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison on behalf of the NFL has concluded that Brady was probably aware that two lower-level employees of the New England Patriots were deflating balls.

Probably? Here are excerpts of text messages between Jim McNally, the longtime locker-room attendant responsible for the air pressure in Brady’s balls, so to speak, and John Jastremski, an equipment assistant who seems to have served as a go-between...

Nature teams with nurture in ‘The Professor in the Cage’

April 26, 2015

“The Professor in the Cage,” Jonathan Gottschall’s provocative new book, locates itself at the gridlocked intersection of biology and culture.

The subtitle “Why Men Fight and Why We Like to Watch” suggests another question, Why are women the nicer sex? and its corollary, Are they really?

The answers are fascinating and complex, though perhaps not as complex as his book makes them out to be.

Part of “The Professor in the Cage” is about how Gottschall, an out-of-shape, disenchanted academic, got involved in the brutal world of mixed martial arts (MMA). His personal story is less interesting, however, than his personal observations. He hits the mark, for instance, when he says that MMA is like gay porn – all those rippling, sweaty physiques grappling with one another in clutches that are at once amusing and arousing. It’s the reason I love wrestling. And I suspect – as the nude wrestling scene in “Women in Love” suggests – it gives men a license to touch one another in a way that conforms to traditional heterosexual society, as do all sports.

But why must male athletic competition be so violent – or at least carry the threat of violence? And why do we secretly – or not so secretly – find it thrilling? ...

What price a football player’s mind?

April 22, 2015

A judge has cleared the way for a more-than-$1 billion settlement between the NFL and some 6,000 players who could develop neurological problems from the concussive aspects of the game over the next 65 years.

While some individuals in their 30s and 40s with Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s disease could get between $1 million and $5 million, the average settlement would be $190,000. As anyone who has cared for someone with dementia will tell you, $190,000 is a drop in the bucket. Not everyone, however, is sympathetic.

“This is the player’s decision to play this game and they are already making an absurd amount of money, even sitting on the bench,” Nick Keener of Lock Haven, Pa. posted on ESPN. “If they ran out of money after they are done playing, then that's their fault.”

“What about the guys who played back in the ’60s and ’70s that made just enough to get by with the offseason grocery store job?” Thomas Sanabia of Queens wondered on the same thread. “NFL players only recently became super rich. They weren't making anywhere near this amount for most of the people suing.”

“The NFL got off so good here it’s not even funny,” Zulfan Bakri added, “considering that their current TV DEAL is worth $3 BILLION per year. This is a drop in the bucket compared with what they should have paid for long-term pain treatment and care. It should be 10 x that because in 20-30 years when the current players are going thru the horrors now the costs will be thru the roof.”

I’m afraid I’m with Bakri on this. It’s true that occupations have hazards, and violent occupations have violent hazards. But I have to assume that years ago few understood the relationship between sports and neurological problems (although the movies have sometimes portrayed a punch-drunk boxer for pathos or comic relief). These men signed on for busted knees not busted brains. The very willingness of the NFL to agree to the settlement suggests the league thinks it dodged a bullet. It admits no responsibility and is probably hoping the whole issue will be swept under the rug. ...

The second coming of Tim Tebow

April 20, 2015

Lightning-rod former quarterback-turned-commentator Tim Tebow is back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. Let the snark commence.

“Why the Hell is (Eagles’ head coach) Chip Kelly signing Tim Tebow?” Drew Magary opined on Deadspin.

He went on to list some “working theories” – all of them unkind, some of them funny as Hades, although calling Tebow a “Jesus loon” is beyond the pale. Why drag Jesus into it?

Perhaps because where Tebow is concerned, fans don’t know where sports leave off and religion begins. He – and we – are all of a piece, the product of our entire experience. Tebow happens to be a devout Christian who wears his devotion on his football sleeve. He has also been a highly successful if unorthodox quarterback. Those two things rub many fans the wrong way and blind them to the idea that some people succeed seemingly in spite of themselves, because they bring intangibles to the game, like character and great leadership.

But his unorthodoxy as a running quarterback with a peculiar throwing motion and his Christian fervor are precisely what many love about Tebow. Still, they in turn may also be blinded – to the notion that the response to Tebow, particularly by the media, is disproportionate to his NFL accomplishments.

I say that’s not Tebow’s fault. I say that the guy took the Denver Broncos all the way to the playoffs despite bosses who had no faith in him. (That means you, John Elway.) I say he was never given a chance with the New York Jets by then-head coach Rex Ryan. (How funny is it that Tebow will be reunited on the Eagles with ex-Jet QB Mark Sanchez.)

I say the gridiron, like the Lord, works in mysterious ways and that not everyone can be Peyton Manning or Tom Brady. (Should it surprise anyone that the snark for Tebow was immediately followed by dumping on Colin Kaepernick? Why must everyone come out of a cookie cutter? Why can’t these guys be themselves?) ...